( Receptionist ) Hello, Welcome to ObamaFlowers, My name is Trina. How can I help you?
( Customer ) Hello, I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
( Receptionist ) Yes, I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of December. But I can help you.
( Customer ) Thanks, I ordered a “Spring Bouquet” for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife’s work..
( Receptionist – Interrupting ) Sir, “Spring Bouquets” do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses.
( Customer ) But I have always ordered “Spring Bouquets”, done it for years, my wife likes them.
( Receptionist ) Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them.
( Customer ) Well, how much are they?
( Receptionist ) It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package.
( Customer ) What’s the difference?
( Receptionist ) 6, 12,18 or 24 Red Roses.
( Customer ) The Silver package may be okay, how much is it?
( Receptionist ) It depends sir, what is you monthly income?
( Customer ) What does that have to do with anything?
( Receptionist ) I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out of pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department.
( Customer ) FlowerAid?
( Receptionist ) Yes, Flowers are a Right, everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
( Customer ) Who said they were a Right?
( Receptionist ) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional.
( Customer ) Whoa…..I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding Flowers as a Right.
( Receptionist ) It is not really a Right in the Constitution, but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court Ruled it a “Tax”. Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a Right.
( Customer ) I don’t believe this….
( Receptionist ) It’s the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir?
( Customer ) Forget it, I think I will forego the flowers this year…
( Receptionist ) In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.
( Customer ) Why?
( Receptionist ) To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost would be.
( Customer ) WHAT???? Your can’t charge me for NOT buying flowers!!!
( Receptionist ) It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income…..
( Customer )interrupting) This is ridiculous, I’ll pay the $9.50..
( Receptionist ) Sir, it is the $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
( Customer ) ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? What a ripoff!!
( Receptionist ) Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
( Customer ) Look, I’m going to call my Congressmember to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going to pay it.
( Receptionist ) Sorry to hear that sir, that’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone your are using.
( Customer ) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING????
( Receptionist ) So they get your GPS coordinates sir
(Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)
( Receptionist ) That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers, have a nice day…and God Bless America .