Article Referred By Jody Bright
“Rumors are flying around Washington to the effect that this may be Santa Claus’ last year of operation. Sources within the Federal bureaucracy are privately indicating that the jolly old man is in big, big trouble!”
50 years later, this satirical commentary is as relevant as ever.
By Roger Koopman
It was exactly fifty years ago. A young, swashbuckling fruit rancher from Sunny Slope, Idaho, named Steve Symms was serving his first term in the US House of Representatives. He was a political newcomer whom no one took seriously—except the voters. A devotee of Leonard Read, FEE Seminars, and freedom, Steve took the primaries and general election by storm with his resonating message of free markets, non-interventionism, and constitutionally limited government. To this day, his television ads have never been equaled. Looking into the camera with a luscious Symms apple in his hand, Steve would declare, “Vote for Steve Symms and take a bite out of government!” Then, crunch! Who could resist such an appeal?
Once elected, it wasn’t long before this freshman upstart was challenging the sacred cows of Big Government, introducing bills that would abolish the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) and open the delivery of First-Class Mail to private competition. My wife Ann and I, still in our early twenties, were privileged to serve on Steve’s Washington staff at that time. Ann handled some of his toughest constituent letters—all of which he signed with his trademark “Yours for a free society” closing. I was his all-around “scribe” and press secretary, kicking out news releases, weekly columns, floor speeches, and assorted commentaries on his favorite topic—liberty.
t was approaching Christmas, his newsletter was soon to go out to all the district households, and we needed something special in keeping with the season. “Santa’s Last Journey” was just the ticket! Sprinkled with satire, the piece carried an important message about the unrelenting growth of government and the degree to which the federal leviathan had reached its regulatory tentacles into every area of our private and business lives. How could Santa continue to withstand all of these bureaucratic edicts? He couldn’t, we concluded. This would doubtless be Saint Nick’s last year of operation. It was hopeless.
It wasn’t long before our little ditty went viral, with congressmen using it in their own districts, and various organizations reprinting and distributing it. The printing below was produced by Knott’s Berry Farm, and I’m told was given out at their entrance gate.
Reproducing this story fifty years later delivers an especially poignant message. It is just as relevant now as it was in 1974, and none of the federal harassments Santa faced back then have gone away! They have only grown more pervasive and more crushing of our liberties.
Steve Symms served the cause of freedom with great distinction for many years, eventually defeating the “invincible” Frank Church and becoming a distinguished US Senator. Tragically, this courageous voice of liberty went silent last summer at age 86. Reading “Santa’s Last Journey” this Christmas would be a fitting tribute to a great man, who never gave up on the hope and promise of the “free society” he so loved and cherished.
Santa’s Last Journey
Rumors are flying around Washington to the effect that this may be Santa Claus’ last year of operation. Sources within the Federal bureaucracy are privately indicating that the jolly old man is in big, big trouble!
Apparently from the Federal government’s point of view, Santa has been “getting away with murder” for years now, “breaking every law in the book,” as they put it. And indeed, the time has come to crack down on this “unconscionable situation.”
Here is the inside scoop on Santa’s long list of infractions:
1. Operating a flying sleigh in absence of certification by the CAB, a clear violation of the Civil Aeronautics Act of 1938.
2. Unlawfully competing with the U.S. Postal Service on air mail deliveries.
3. Violating EPA requirements for emissions control devices on his reindeer.
4. Defying the Sherman Anti-Trust Act by maintaining a strict monopoly in his profession.
5. Violating the Fair Labor Standards Act by failing to pay his elves the minimum wage or proper overtime benefits.
6. Engaging in unfair promotional advertising, designed to prey on the defenseless minds of children, a violation of Federal Trade Commission regulations.
7. Failing to secure an ICC permit and an assignment of certified routes by the Interstate Commerce Commission.
8. Violating numerous Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) regulations by operating an “unsafe workplace.”
9. Passing out candy canes and goodies not approved by the Food and Drug Administration.
10. Ignoring the edicts of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and the Civil Rights Act of 1964 by failing to institute a quota system in his workshop based on race, religion, sex and size (too many elves, not enough giants).
11. Making toys which have not been approved by the Consumer Product Safety Commission.
12. Failing to declare the cookies and milk that are put out for him as taxable income with the IRS.
13. Transporting firearms across state lines as Christmas presents.
14. Avoiding state and federal taxes on his sleigh, not to mention licensing, registration, and having an operator’s permit.
15. Violating various National Labor Relations Board regulations, including the maintenance of a non-union shop and unfairly competing with the chimney sweeps’ union.
It is said that these are but a sampling of Santa’s more serious Federal offenses, which taken in total will almost certainly put the man in red out of business for good. At present, we are told Saint Nick is frantically searching for a lawyer, but that no one as yet is willing to come to his defense. Apparently it is an open and shut case!
Meanwhile, there is another Santa Claus of sorts in this country which operates the whole year ’round. It has served us well for many, many years but is presently in the same predicament as Saint Nick. As a result, it is being pushed to the brink of extinction. It’s called the American Free Enterprise system. Will anyone come to its defense?
