“It’s never been our intent to hire a walking, breathing million-dollar claim liability” purrs the nice HR lady during orientation. “We operate under a “No Ask, No Tell” doctrine in order to avoid discrimination lawsuits, But………..we have a really sneaky solution and your job depends on it!”
“If you have any ongoing or serious medical conditions, we strongly recommend discussing your healthcare needs with our benefits consultant before signing up. Their team is hiding behind the curtain over there in the corner ready to leap out to help you navigate the options and select the plan that best supports your health and financial goals.“
“Ok, now, by corporate diktat, I must read you our version of your Miranda Rights……………….”
“You have the right to remain silent, evasive, untruthful, belligerent, and otherwise exhibit all other characteristics commonly applied as grounds for dismissal, divorce, separation and punishment that prudent business practices dictate in at-will employment jurisdictions. You have the right to waste money on an attorney. You have the absolute right to call Yo Momma for advice.”
“So, with that said, is it your opinion based on what I just explained, and do you believe under the threat of consequential lying, that you qualify for our Gold Star Compassionate Care Program?”
Yep, a large San Antonio group should read this. They had a new-hire recently who they learned after the fact was on a $500,000 a year drug spend. Now the entire group is paying for it and not one plan member was asked if they wanted to pitch-in. So the plan sponsor did what our old Sargeant used to do – “Men, I’m volunteering every one of you to donate to our heath care fund!”
